Saving people sucks
and it doesn't work

This has been one of the hardest lessons for me to learn.

If you’ve been a client of mine for a while you probably remember when I’d send lengthy follow-up emails. I would summarize our session then outline the path I suggested you take to find your way to peace and well-being. But that wasn’t before I’d already spent at least a half hour meditating prior to our session. And during our one-hour meeting – giving you my all. Perhaps you detected my longing that you choose peace?

Now, don’t get me wrong. As a service provider, I take what I do very seriously. I’ve given with my whole heart – selflessly! But what I noticed over time is that only about 3% of what I was giving was actually being received. Most folks didn’t appreciate me giving my all. In fact, if I’m being honest, I wasn’t “saving” anyone. And I was aware, that in some cases, what I was Giving (capital G intended) was actually resented. That 97%, despite wanting the change that they had come to me seeking, were in fact, actively rejecting the change they said they longed for.

Why is that? Well, it’s complicated…and it’s here that I ask you to reflect on your own life. Have you ever given a gift to someone that you were so excited to share – only to detect resistance from the receiver? Feels kind of familiar right? Basically it’s the same dynamic at play.

Giving and receiving is a balancing act. Most folks are excellent givers. We know how to be in the upper position – the control position – of gifting. It’s easy. Receiving on the other hand is WAY more difficult. It’s as it we’re automatically on the defense. We’re calculating what is required of us, what transaction we need to employ, before we actually receive said gift. And that’s really what it boils down to. What is required – to change – is more chew then most folks are willing to bite off. It’s infinitely easier to give up, get angry at yourself, and abandon you.

See, change, true change requires you to Choose, capital C intended. Choosing you, choosing whatever change you are gunning for, is a massive commitment. Sometimes you have to remind yourself of what you’re choosing 80 times a day, lest you fall of the wagon.

And where does that leave me? The over-Giver? Well, it means that when I over-give, what I am actually being is a controlling cow. Yes, that’s right, a Class-A Controlling twat. What’s worse is that the longing I’ve had to produce change for resistant clients and loved ones has ended up dynamically screwing me from the boomerang effect. YES, I can both emotionally and physically alleviate your suffering by taking it on myself! Cute, eh? Not so much.

So, I’ve learned my lesson. I now know to stay in my lane. I give, A LOT and I’m learning to stop and let people receive what they can from our exchanges. I’m a recovering selflessness addict. Can I invite you to recovery too?