Trigger Warning
sex abuse and the choice to heal

Good people. Happy Thursday!

I apologize that I'm coming in late again this week. It's the holiday season, so I will cut myself some slack <laugh>. I hope you've been well.

This week I've got two more questions from a client. They deal with, sexual assault or sexual abuse. If that's triggering for you or difficult, I invite you to pause this video or not read this week's newsletter, and practice good self-care.

So I'm gonna get right into it, it's a two part question that I'll tackle over two weeks.

Question 1: How can one cultivate sexual energy? Is there some kind of ritual, prayer or chakra balancing that one can do to help? Is that even a thing?

Question 2: (which we're gonna tackle first) How can people who've suffered sexual abuse allow themselves to harness that energy and unblock themselves from whatever is holding them back from enjoying their sexuality?

Big questions. So the first part there about sexual abuse and recovery is enormous and absolutely not going to be unpacked entirely in this video. But what I will do is hopefully create a container, that might point you in some directions to go forward. We talked in the past couple of weeks about shadow work and that's a great place to begin exploring this issue.

When getting into recovery from sexual abuse I have been enormously helped, as a survivor of both sexual assault and generalized assault by the quotes and work of Viktor Frankl. Viktor Frankl was the father of Logotherapy, which is a school of Psychotherapy. It describes a search for life's meaning as a central human motivational force. Viktor Frankl was a survivor of the concentration camps. He lost his entire family, his parents, his new wife, his brother. He experienced the impossible. To wrap our heads around what his experience must have been in the four years that he experienced in concentration camps would be impossible. As much as anybody has experienced trauma and assault – he's probably as good as anybody to guide us on how to make meaning out of suffering.

His quote: “in some way suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment that it finds meaning.” I think this concept is central to how we recover from unspeakable horrific life events. How else do we move on?

And if you hear that scratching, apologies, that's my cat scratching at the door, <laugh>. I'm gonna just let him in before he makes me in totally insane. Probably bringing some levity to a very, very heavy topic.

So, how do we carry on and how do we create meaning for ourselves after we've endured and survived the unendurable? We could look at, more popular culture references, from a Phoenix rising and coming up from the ashes. To the metaphor of a butterfly coming out of its cocoon. It turns into mush, you know, before it becomes a butterfly.

So that's personally what I've used to be my guiding force in recovery from all sorts of traumas and dramas. And from assault, is to ask – how can I bring myself up and out? How can I be, not just restored, but made stronger and wiser and more conscious from unspeakable harm?

Finally, I think it's extremely human to wanna connect meaning to what you’ve endured. It’s natural to want to understand the why of why someone would be so harmful to you. Especially if that abuse came from someone who was supposed to love you – like a caregiver. What I'd like to offer you is a question.

Can you give up the why?
Why did they do this? Why did this happen to me?

The why is because they chose it. I wish I could tell you there was some greater existential learning or meaning that could come out of it. But, that’s it – they chose to harm you.

And perhaps rather than focus on the why they did it, you could pivot to: what is your why for reclaiming yourself? Who do you get to become? Who do you get to be? Who do you get to become as a sexual person above and beyond sex abuse or assault?

These are much bigger, broader, and dare I say, more effervescent questions than why did they do it? Because you'll never really know why they did it, even if they tell you. Is what they say true <laugh>? So yeah, perhaps you can give yourself a break and give up the why. And begin to focus on your why. Why are you moving forward? Why are you picking yourself up? Who are you allowing yourself to become? This is the big stuff – much more hopeful stuff.

Now, I'm obviously no psychotherapist, I will always remind you of that. And I encourage you to please get yourself resources, whether that's psychotherapy or a coaching program, to help you recover from these experience. It's not easily recoverable in silence or by yourself. So please, please avail yourself of services to help yourself become the butterfly and rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

So that was a big topic. That was a heavy one. Next week we'll talk more about cultivating sexual energy. In the meantime shadow work, therapy and coaching or whatever you avail yourself of, is a process that's worth going through when recovering from such a existential threat as the threat to your body and your sexual identity.

I love you. I care for you, and I'm wishing you the very best in your recovery journey. If you've experienced something like that. Ciao for now and I'll see you next week.